Corrupted Innocence's Journal

Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds...
What would we do without you, Jhonen?

Something’s gone wrong with me. I know that. This place has made me sick somehow. All I smell is the shit in this diseased reality. All I can see is things full of rot and riddled with stingers. I’m wondering if, maybe, there really is something wrong with me. Honestly, it’s so difficult to truly care about so many things without, first, knowing the answers to some of the most fundamental, mind ravaging questions! How can one possibly respect the existence of something, people in this case, when that something seems to defy respect? They do such trivial things, and find amusement, even up to “so-called” maturity, in the incessant mistreatment of their own kind. Hmm… Then again, it’s possible I’m quite horrendously insane. It’s all really very interesting. Every once in a while, they say things that sound like words. They make me think about what I’m doing. The noises make me uncomfortable. So uncomfortable that sometimes I wonder why I just don’t get myself a pair of earplugs. I stared, motionless, before the mirror. As always, I stayed until I’m convinced that there is no glass, nothing, separating me from the room I see on the other side. I imagine that everything is different. Over there. Better. There are people, in that world, that I would like. But, like always, my hand hits that glass. I know that if I’d only waited just one more second… Shit. This isn’t me. This can’t be what I am… What I’ve become. It makes no sense. The logic is fucked up here. There is something inherently wrong in this. They don’t understand. They don’t see that long after their laughter subsides, in search of the next cheap thrill, their victims are still hearing the taunts in their heads. A cacophony of degrading noise, poisoning perception. I try to think back, but it only goes soft, and nothing feels right, or solid. I remember images, but like bad photographs printed on wet toilet paper – blurry and distorted. Why is it like this?! I’m sure it’s not just a bad mood! We spend forever building up our defenses, only to have that be what allows us to be controlled!! FUCK! SHIT! And other such expletives. I wish someone would just switch me off and fix me. Know what? I’m not happy. Sometimes… You can cry until there is nothing wet in you. You can scream and curse to where your throat rebels and ruptures. You can pray, all you want, to whatever god you think will listen. And, still, it makes no difference. It goes on, with no sign as to when it might release you. And you know that if it ever did relent… It would not be because it cared. The passions that drive us should be the ones we respect and admire. To feel contempt for one’s own motivations is a vulgar thing. So many things that I can do without – desires and urges and whatnot. So extraneous. By the time I write here again, I hope to be as cold as the moon that lights this night.

And what would we also do without The Beatles?

"Picture yourself in a boat on a river,
With tangerine trees and marmalade skies
Somebody calls you, you answer quite slowly,
A girl with kaleidoscope eyes.
Cellophane flowers of yellow and green,
Towering over your head.
Look for the girl with the sun in her eyes,
And she's gone.
Lucy in the sky with diamonds.
Follow her down to a bridge by a fountain
Where rocking horse people eat marshmellow pies,
Everyone smiles as you drift past the flowers,
That grow so incredibly high.
Newspaper taxis appear on the shore,
Waiting to take you away.
Climb in the back with your head in the clouds,
And you're gone.
Lucy in the sky with diamonds,
Picture yourself on a train in a station,
With plasticine porters with looking glass ties,
Suddenly someone is there at the turnstyle,
The girl with the kaleidoscope eyes."

Current Mood: amused
Current Music: Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds - Beatles

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